TV’s Non-News Sell Outs

Granted, there’s no going back to the days of 15 minutes of local, loss-leader TV news. And nobody’s rebottling the genie of consultant-inspired window dressing and cosmetics — from set designs, catchy slogans and anchor demographics to tantalizing teases, “happy talk” chemistry and whether your weather person looks better in suspenders. It is what it is.

But isn’t it a new low that local affiliates have stooped to “covering” their networks’ cheesy reality shows as if they were, well, news? They all do it. It’s beyond the requisite, tacky promotions we’ve grown inured to over the years.

The most recent example is WFTS, ABC-28, which ran a “Desperate Housewives Look-Alike Contest.” And it didn’t stint on the video and air time – although the latter is, of course, severely limited by weather, sports, anchor blather and commercials.

But that’s show biz.

USF In The Hunt

By all the usual criteria, USF had a successful recruiting season — topped by Monticello Jefferson County quarterback Carlton Hill, who should be able to push for the starting job next year. He’s that good.

USF needed the solid recruiting class to bulk up for the Big East. Rivals.com has USF’s recruits ranked 50th in the country.

Put into context, this means that USF finished in the upper half of the Big East. It also says that the following schools are among those who finished behind USF for the class of ’05: Illinois, Northwestern, Washington State, TCU, Minnesota, Syracuse, Iowa State, Baylor, Utah, Georgia Tech, Wake Forest, Washington, Kentucky, Indiana and everyone in Conference USA.

Put into further – and much more relevant — context, it takes about three years to fully determine the success of a recruiting class. Injuries, legal problems, academic failings and unfulfilled potential – for whatever reason — are the variables.

For now, however, this bunch looks good on paper – and in the game films.

Recruiting Season Reflections

‘Twas the season.

In this case, the recruiting of blue-chip, high school football seniors. It all culminated on Feb. 2, which was the official signing date for the USCs and Oklahomas to restock, reload — and remind prospects how very valued they are.

Because football in Florida is a religion second only to Southern Baptist, this is an especially big deal around here. Did USF finally land a QB worthy of a school now in the BCS Big East Conference? Did the late-arriving Urban Meyer save the recruiting class at the University of Florida? Did Florida State finish strong again? How did Miami do? And the across-the-board answers were “yes,” “yes,” “yes” and “who cares?”

But back to the players, per se.

The top prospects are lavished with the sort of homage a young faculty recruit could only fantasize about. The circus-like atmosphere is also a reminder of why some players have an attitude before they ever step onto a university campus.

They’ve often been – sometimes since middle school — the beneficiaries of “student-athlete” double standards. The recruiting process only reinforces it – and then ratchets it up. Now they’re celebrities. And a much bigger stage beckons.

Charting and handicapping who is going where is now a formidable business, with a dozen or more research services in the mix. All giving national attention to the top players. ESPN is also on the case. Statewide sports cable shows add to the buzz. The local sportswriters speculate on a daily basis about where prized recruits may wind up.

Then there are the on-campus visits. Even though some of the worst excesses have presumably ended, let’s just say that universities still can roll out the sort of red carpet that impresses 18-year-old males.

And there are the high schools, themselves. If a “student-athlete” ran for 2,000 yards or threw 40 TD passes, he will likely merit a press conference. Those with lesser stats may warrant a media availability.

“Student-students” with perfect 1,600 scores on their SATs? Congratulations during home room announcements.

Maybe.

As Alabama’s Bear Bryant once quipped: “You can’t rally ’round the math department.”

Soaring Rhetoric Grounded By Reality

For those of you who weren’t counting at home, President Bush used the word “freedom” 27 times and the word “liberty” 15 in his inaugural address. Conspicuous by their absence, however, were the words “order” and “safety.”

Such pedestrian references don’t make for soaring rhetoric. All they do is address the real-world priorities of people who fear for their lives and increasingly wax nostalgic for the bad old days when they knew the despotic rules and had more electricity. A people for whom anarchy and civil war remain too high a price for “liberation.” A people for whom “occupation” is a pig that can never be perfumed enough.

The president’s “F word” overuse also holds the U.S. hostage to hypocrisy. That’s a reflection on our pragmatic relationships with countries – such as Saudi Arabia and Egypt – that are hardly the embodiment of democratic values.

And how ironic that Bush chose to paraphrase some of John F. Kennedy’s inaugural sentiments. Most notable was the updating of “bear any burden”and “pay any price.” Recall their use as rhetorically rationalizing America’s ever-escalating involvement in Vietnam.

Divide Or Be Conquered

Trying to remake Iraq into a Muslim democracy that could act as an outpost of stability and pro-Western sentiment is undoubtedly a swell idea. But it’s hard to find a Middle Eastern model for that other than, well, Israel.

More realistic models, however, may be Cyprus and Yugoslavia. Where ancient religious and ethnic enmities render peaceful co-existence impossible, the answer for Iraq may lie in partition. As in Kurdistan, (Shiite-dominated) Iraq and (Sunni-dominated) Mess O’Potamia. Rule of thumb: Where there are tribes and warlords, a viable, all-inclusive sovereign state is a bloody long shot – not worth the blood.

Pick Out A Hood, Charlie

Army Spc. Charles Graner, who was recently sentenced to 10 years in military prison, got off easy. He should be serving his sentence – along with impregnated torture moll, Lyndie England, in Abu Ghraib prison itself. He should be picking out a hood and practicing holding his breath right now.

To say he was following orders is to pretend that Nuremburg never happened. What is safe to say happened, however, is that more innocent lives were lost because of flotsam such as Graner. His sexual perversions transcended “rough treatment” and amounted to a PR coup for Al Qaeda, which further fueled the recruiting of Islamo-martyrs.

Remember “The Mother Of All ‘Blurred Lines'”

Administration critics have said that it is a moral, political and tactical mistake for the U.S. to be blurring the lines between “rough treatment” and “torture.” And they, of course, have a valid point.

While there’s no excusing sadists such as Army Spc. Charles Graner, it is not irrelevant to cite some context. The mother of all blurred lines: those who don’t differentiate combatants from ambulance drivers. First and second runners-up: combatants waving white flags as a ruse and those wearing the other side’s uniform.

Newspeak At City Hall

It’s understandable that a mayor would want to be careful when evaluating top employees in writing. It’s a public record. There are sensitivities. Hence, the flap over how Tampa Mayor Pam Iorio evaluated former Fire Chief Aria Ray Green.

Apparently Green, whose allegedly aloof, sometimes tactless leadership style was adversely affecting morale, was evaluated more critically in person than on paper. Which is understandable – and hardly precedent-setting.

Theoretically this is still better than what former Mayor Dick Greco did. Which was nothing other than a verbal evaluation. Which comes up short on accountability for highly-placed public officials.

What doesn’t compute, however, is a written record that allows for one of three ratings: outstanding, excellent and successful. Green was accorded an “excellent,” which he subsequently has cited as being at variance with a performance that resulted in his forced resignation.

He might have a point if the written evaluation were credible and didn’t require a wink and a nod. Outstanding, excellent and successful. Say what? How much farther would department morale have had to plummet for Green to have been adjudged merely “successful?”

If Newspeak is the game, why not super, superior, splendid and superb? Or if obfuscation isn’t a goal, maybe MacArthur minus the hubris, effective, satisfactory, ineffective, not salvageable and pyromaniac? Or Good, bad and ugly?

In retrospect, the promotion of Green, a good, decent, intelligent man seemingly ill-suited to handle the department’s good ol’ boy union dynamic, was a mistake, however well intentioned. However awkwardly, that has been addressed with the swearing in of Fire Chief Dennis Jones.

What remains unaddressed are written evaluation standards that are misleading and unworthy of the process.

School Daze

It would seem that if anything our kids need more days at school – not fewer. Regardless, we now have what amounts to a reasonable request from local Muslims for the Hillsborough County School Board to add an additional holiday: Eid al-Fitr, which marks the end of Ramadan. They point out that schools close on days that coincide with Christian Christmas and Good Friday as well as the Jewish Yom Kippur.

Two points.

First, Christmas shouldn’t count. It’s far too institutionalized and secularized.

Second, school districts have brought this on themselves by designating purely religious-observance occasions – Good Friday and Yom Kippur — as public school holidays. Now they’re stuck with such precedents – and will eventually yield to this inclusive request. Possibly for the 2006-07 school calendar.

Dog Day Of Winter

This column didn’t start out this way.

But as I gazed out my home-office window the other day, I saw a perplexingly familiar sight: a pair of dachshunds on the lam, lumbering down the street headed for nearby Bayshore Boulevard – and possibly an awful demise. I cringed at the prospect of such an unnecessary, unfair fate.

Since this had happened before – more on that later — I knew the drill. I raced out with a couple of leashes (not then needed by two resident peek-a-poos) and gave chase.

And chase. I am not a runner or a jogger — just a stamina-challenged pedestrian.

With the help of a Good Samaritan I caught one, gave it a big drink and put it in the back of my Jeep for safe-keeping. And, by the way, to the South Orleans Avenue jogger who wouldn’t alter his gait, his glance or his course to help out, thanks for nothing. And, no, I don’t apologize for what I said, but you deserved every hyphen.

Up and down Hyde Park streets and alleys went the discouraging search: foot by unfit foot. There were a couple of sightings and subsequent near captures. I regretted the stationary-bike time misused watching ESPN with the lowest level of resistance. I also grew increasingly irritated that these same dogs had gotten out yet again, and frustrated that I couldn’t recall the owner’s name or street. And, still, no second dachshund.

But knock on enough doors and inquire of enough people, and you get leads. One led to the right house, where the residents were out of town. The dogs had escaped again from the backyard. It appeared a gate had been left unlatched.

And talk to enough folks – especially on South Boulevard — and you get an earful. This wasn’t the second time these dogs escaped. It was simply my second experience, one that left me wondering why I cared more about the safety of these canine Weiner-mobiles than their owners seemingly did. Nor was it the third time. Or fourth.

Now for the editorial comment. Some people – and you know who you are — don’t deserve the company of and responsibility for innocent, unconditionally loving, totally dependent pets. Goldfish included. Such pets deserve better than clueless, careless owners.

Next time, I’m taking them to the pound – or I’m keeping them – incumbent, turf-protecting peek-a-poos notwithstanding.

As for that other dachshund, it finally found its way back to its owner’s porch. The bad news is that it didn’t look so much at home – as between escapes.