You often hear references to “sausage” in the context of unedited journalism products–from news reporting to news analysis. Print and electronic. The same goes for lawmaking. The process can be messy. The finished product hopefully belies that reality.
Well, this column’s initial iteration, I must admit, was more for therapy than publication. It would give sausage a bad name. The language was crude in parts, reflecting my mood–a taut mix of exasperation, anger and fear. We are on the brink of something unconscionable. And it was eminently preventable. Worst-case scenarios now hang in the balance.
So I cleaned it up some, and the f-bombs–actually FY imperatives–have been defused. But in their stead, I’ve left inoffensive reminders of their prominent sausage placement. They’re still necessary.
“Fire and fury”/”locked and loaded” should be the last act of this disgracefully nightmarish Trump presidency. Not that we didn’t see it coming. At least Peter Sellers was darkly funny in “Dr. Strangelove.”
Personally, I say Flatulent Yak to all Trump voters and ongoing supporters.
That goes for those who needed a white-nativist, alt-Reich misogynist to channel because their lives were hapless, and Trump helped enable their societal scapegoating with his validating, racist dog whistles. As to careerist Republican cowards who took one for team GOPster instead of Team USA and made their Faustian deal: Fatuous Yeoman. You all enabled this incompetent menace to be the president of the United States. How do you even sleep at night?
And to those who didn’t vote at all for whatever reason, including the disingenuously false equivalence of two off-putting candidates: What the hell were you thinking? This wasn’t some “lesser of two evils” dilemma. This was evil vs. a flawed candidate. So, yeah, you’re part of this Trump diarrhea derby too. Falsetto Yawn.
Fundamentally, here’s the issue. Trump’s a manifestly obvious national and global threat of existential proportions–not just an impulsively unhinged, pathologically lying lout. Would that he were merely that. Why the hell would anyone want his undersized digits anywhere near the nuclear codes? Why do you think administration officials have been trying to placate journalists and reassure them that Secretary of Defense James Mattis, Chief of Staff John Kelly and Secretary of State Rex Tillerson have a pact designed to ensure that one of them is always nearby to watch over Trump in case he goes, uh, ballistic?
Trump could be the trigger man for Armageddon. As the editors of Scientific American have anxiously noted: “With the exception of the president, every link in the U.S. nuclear decision chain has protections against poor judgments, deliberate misuse or accidental deployment.” Helluvan exception. Kim Jong-un, frankly, is more calculated. Hell, so was Gen. Curtis “Bombs Away” LeMay, who found a stalwart John F. Kennedy between him and Cuban Missile Crisis mushroom clouds. Donald Trump 2017 is no JFK 1962.
And let’s not forget or forgive: Feckless Yokel, GOP primary voters, especially you hypocritical evangelicals who helped create dystopian momentum–from Charlottesville to Pyongyang. David Duke to Kim Jong-un. You didn’t see any of this coming? You were just religiously gullible and thought the right-to-strife Trump a better fit than Ted Cruz Control? Isn’t apocalypse part of your frame of reference? Who did you pray to for guidance? Mike Huckabee? Even Marco Rubio, Exhibit A of the Takes-One-To-Know-One School, recognized Trump for the narcissistic con man that he’s always been.
Sorry for the redundancy, but Freudian Yeti, Trump voters, for being part of the “Deliverance,” “Duck Dynasty” and Goldman Sachs crowds that helped elect him and do this to our country and our world. Moreover, lest I forget, Fetid Yahoo. We deserve better, even though you don’t.
In sum, Gen. Kelly–do something as Trump doubles down on dumb and dangerous–from Iran to Venezuela to North Korea. Don’t just be the semper fi version of Reince Preibus. Collude with National Security Adviser H.R. McMaster, Defense Secretary Mattis and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Gen. Joseph Dunford–the one who was bumped from that national security meeting by Steve Bannon.
And recall the haunting words of former Joint Chiefs Chairman Adm. Mike Mullen, who said Trump was fanning the flames of war with his rhetoric. “I think it eliminates maneuver space for him, because it looks like brinksmanship to me,” said Mullen.
If it helps, remember that Italy didn’t arrest anyone for what happened to Benito Mussolini when he hung around too long right-side up. Enough of America will have your back. Channel your inner Brutus or maybe Burt Lancaster in “Seven Days in May.”
Impeachment and the 25th Amendment are too civilized and time-consuming. Time is no ally; we are imperiled now. Tarring, feathering and quartering–finalized by a goodbye coup-smooch from Chelsea Manning–would be fitting.
OK, I’m exaggerating for effect.
No I’m not.