“Sitting on a sofa on a Sunday afternoon, going to a candidates’ debate.
Laugh about it, shout about it when you’ve got to choose–
Every way you look at it, you lose.”
Where have you gone Jon Huntsman?
With apologies to Simon & Garfunkel, if not Huntsman, who would have thought a debate-dotted, GOP presidential-nominating process–even after the 2012 cartoon parade–would have devolved into this perfect-storm parody? Imagine, the forces of raw populism and unhinged anger meet billionaire benefactors meet Donald Trump meet conflict-promoting, ratings-driven media.
Were it not embarrassing for America, per se, these exercises in preening and posturing would be a pure partisan hoot. The GOP’s circular firing squad of intramural insults will likely result in a further diminished party at the presidential-election level.
A few debate takeaways:
* The more candidates, the better Trump’s numbers. When the candidates are winnowed to a manageable number, the debates will necessarily become more substantial. Knowing foreign-and-domestic policy details and projecting a presidential mien will matter more than celebrity-shtick appeal to disaffected losers.
* If only Dr. Ben Carson looked unsedated and sounded as smart as a neurosurgeon.
* Rand Paul’s only chance is to respond to Trump’s belittling ad hominem debate attacks with a non-rhetorical sucker punch. Since this is all about candidates channeling their party’s outliers, cold-cocking The Donald could only gin up his miniscule poll numbers. Plus, there are other candidates who would take his assault case pro bono.
* Jeb Bush. By losing to Lawton Chiles in 1994, he positioned his less intelligent, less qualified older brother to take his place in the 2000 presidential queue. Now he’s the embodiment of the establishment saddled with “W’s” name and legacy– not his father’s. There’s also the matter of educational reality–not disingenuous “accountability”–in Florida: i.e., counterproductive over-testing. It’s a lot more than “Common Core” semantics. Plus, there’s a credibility limit in taking inordinate credit for all that happened economically during Florida’s infamous housing boom. And a charisma-bypass personality doesn’t help.
* Somebody has to take Scott Walker’s place on the big stage. Put in Lindsey Graham. He can at least be funny–not just ridiculous. And for all the infamous sound bites so far, there are none better than Graham’s “kill the bastards” ISIS strategy.
* Yes, he looks and often sounds like a bully. And there was that “Bridgegate” debacle. But New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie is the CEO of a blue state and the only prosecutor of the bunch. Do not underestimate his ability to make a case with emphatic, closing arguments.
* If only Carly Fiorina were likeable, truthful and didn’t have a private sector background filled with revisionism, lay-offs, her own firing and an obscene golden parachute.
* Ted Cruz: A shut-the-government-down Tea Partier who looks like Joe McCarthy.
* Mike Huckabee: Would likely want Rowan County clerk Kim Davis on a ticket as his vice president.
* I would not preclude a surprise, pragmatic ending to all of this–and it’s obviously not a Trump nomination. Maybe a Gov. John Kasich-Sen. Marco Rubio ticket. An adult GOPster who took Medicaid expansion money and will deliver Ohio and the glib, calculating, generational Hispanic who will (seemingly) deliver Florida.