Gasparilla Update

            Among the chronic complaints from neighbors who live adjacent to the Gasparilla Pirate Fest invasion is that there are too many trespassers relieving themselves on private property. Long lines, ostensibly, prompt all the trespissing.

            Now the Hillsborough County Health Department has weighed in by noting that by state code the number of port-o-lets available was only about a third of what it should have been for a crowd of approximately 350,000. Instead of 800, it should have been about 2,300.

            But one key question is begged. Will more port-o-lets, even a lot more, improve matters enough?

Landscape and alley urination — and worse — is a symptom of something other than lengthy, port-o-let lines. It’s a function of too many drunks, many of them teens, who consider Gasparilla an anarchic street party — sans rules, proscriptions and inhibitions. We are reminded of that reality when the crowd for the Gasparilla Children’s Parade, which approaches the Pirate Fest version in multitude, has no such issues. That’s because those in the port-o-lets queues were fueled on bottled water and lemonade – not Bud Light.

Chances are, when city officials and parade coordinator EventFest gather next month for a follow-up meeting with affected residents, the matter of more port-o-lets will be high on the city of Tampa-EventFest to-do agenda. As will a better deployment of outnumbered police officers. As will a signal-sending mandate to arrest more punks and drunks.

That will help. But arguably, it will make it less worse, not notably better. Genies don’t rebottle that easily.

Realistically, there are only two viable alternatives if the “adult” version of Gasparilla is to become something other than the street party from hell.

            Give away catheters instead of beads – or change the venue, impressive Bayshore vistas notwithstanding.  As in away from neighborhoods that are necessarily invaded and violated.

Then there’s the precedent — and perspective — of what was just done by some parade organizers in Chicago.

            Since 1979 there has been an annual South Side Irish St. Patrick’s Day Parade. Its avowed purpose: a neighborhood-of-Beverly celebration of Gaelic heritage. It grew both in size (300,000) and controversy. The “problems” created were not anticipated 30 years ago. Crowd management, drunks, public safety. A lot has happened in a generation.

            We can identify.

Property destruction, fistfights, teens in alcohol-induced comas and public sex, urination and defecation weren’t always the hallmarks of the Gasparilla Pirate Fest.

            Anyway, the Chicago parade’s been canceled. The one that was referred to last month as “one of the great events in America” – by President Barack Obama.

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