Iraqi Occupation: Not What Neocons Had In Mind

Much has been made of the president’s controversial course correction in Iraq, including adding enough troops (21,500) to bring the total (approximately150,000) to where it was a year ago. Also in the news now are exculpating comments by key architects of the war. The neocons whose lament, in effect, is: “Good idea; bad occupation; not my fault.”

The January issue of “Vanity Fair” magazine impressively lays it out in all its “Neo Culpa” tragedy and travesty. Three examples:

*Kenneth (“Cakewalk”) Adelman , Pentagon insider, bemoaned the new reality that what is no longer credible is “the idea of a tough (U.S.) foreign policy on behalf of morality, the idea of using our power for moral good in the world.

“The incompetence of the Bush team means that most everything we ever stood for now also lies in ruins,” declared Adelman.

“The looting,” he said, “was the decisive moment. The moment this administration was lost was when Donald Rumsfeld took to the podium and said, ‘Stuff happens. This is what free people do.’ It’s not what free people do at all; it’s what barbarians do. The Iraqis were making ‘mistakes’ by ruining their country while the U.S. Army stood there watching!

Uniformly Secure?

We now know that the Transportation Security Administration has reported that some 3,700 uniforms and security badges are missing or stolen. That figure includes 53 uniforms and nine ID cards issued to TSA employees at Tampa International Airport. Los Angeles International reported the biggest number: 789 missing items.

But we’re told not to panic – or even fret. That’s because any card-activated access to secure areas would be electronically decommissioned – provided an employee reported the missing credentials in expeditious fashion. And, since TSA employees work in teams, they’re bound to recognize someone unfamiliar. In fact, count on it.

Still fretting?

Pro-Profile Professor

Say this for black syndicated columnist Walter Williams: He calls it as he sees it. And he sees it through the lens of real-world, political incorrectness.

The George Mason University professor who teaches economics — not victimology — recently addressed the hot-button issue of profiling and minorities. He knew the usual suspects would be outraged – and he wasn’t disappointed.

Here’s what he wrote: “A law-abiding Muslim who’s given extra airport screening or a black who’s stopped by the police is perfectly justified in being angry, but with whom should he be angry? I think a Muslim should be angry with those who’ve made terrorism and Muslim synonymous and blacks angry with those who’ve made blacks and crime synonymous.”

Lay Off The Excuses

It’s now been 10 days since the University of Florida Gators dismantled Ohio State and won the national championship in football. And yet there lingers on among some pundits and Buckeyed fans a sense that OSU’s 51-day layoff played a key role in the outcome.

It played a role, but not a key one. Don’t forget the Gators had a bye month – actually 37 days – between games. They used it to get better.

A layoff can affect timing – but not raw speed. UF won because of better preparation, better motivation and better athletes.

Big Bucks On Campus

Even by the win-at-all-costs, marketplace-gone-wild salaries of today’s athletic arena, it seemed skewed.

Nick Saban was recently hired as the head football coach at the University of Alabama. Saban, who had been coaching the NFL Miami Dolphins, signed an eight-year deal worth $32 million guaranteed plus annual bonuses worth more than $700,000. One can only wonder what he would have commanded had he had a winning record with the Dolphins. In two years he was a disappointing 15-17.

One also can only wonder what the ripple effect will be on other college campuses, including the one in Gainesville.

The Lure Of Lists

Admit it, don’t you love lists? Those informational peep shows for the terminally curious.

They may be about history or sports or pop culture. They’re often trivial; occasionally useful; inevitably interesting; and always diverting. And they are necessarily arbitrary, which means they’re fun to weigh in on.

Perhaps you saw this recent one, compiled by the TV Land cable network: “The 100 greatest catch phrases in TV.” They’re eclectic and they’re evocative. And definitely incongruous.

They range from John F. Kennedy’s “Ask not what your country can do for you

Outback Outtakes From Joe Paterno

The Outback Bowl has been very good to the Tampa Bay area, with an economic impact – when the Florida Gators aren’t in it – estimated at more than $35 million. It’s an annual 65,600 sell-out with good ESPN TV ratings and chamber-of-commerce-pleasing video of palm trees, sand sculptures and the downtown streetcar. As a bowl game venue – encompassing Gulf beaches, Ybor City pep rallies and Busch Gardens’ outings – the Tampa Bay area is a prime winter draw for hard-core fans and boosters of Big Ten and SEC schools.

This year the Outback lucked out with the Penn State -Tennessee match-up. That meant fan bases that travel well, but it also meant one more appearance by the not yet retired, iconic, media magnet that is 80-year-old PSU coach, Joe Paterno.

Some outtakes from Paterno’s press conferences during Outback week:

* Paterno’s teams have won 363 Division I games, including a record 22 in bowls (three of them in the Outback). He was asked to contrast the bowl experience now (as in more games, more money, more media scrutiny, more ways to use the month-plus layoff, etc.) to his first one in 1967 (against Florida State in the Gator Bowl).

His answer, punctuated by that Joe Pesci delivery: “Aw, you guys keep bringing that (1967) up. OK, it was a lousy call.”

Huh?

Who knew that among the nearly 500 games Paterno has coached, a 17-17 tie in 1967 is still gnawing at him 40 years later? The reason: roiling regret. Ahead 17-0, Paterno goes for it on fourth down and one at his own 25 in the middle of the third quarter. Not only doesn’t he get it, but the play is a catalyst for a 180 shift in momentum. Penn State never regains it, and the Lions pry a tie from the jaws of victory.

*“Should I be coaching at 80?” reflected Paterno, the octogenarian. “Sometimes I’m looking at tape late at night, and I think ‘What the hell am I doing?’ But, overall, it’s still fun. If I didn’t enjoy it, I’d get out.”

*Paterno, who has been the head coach of Penn State for 41 years, acknowledged that the days of one coach having his (or Bobby Bowden’s) kind of tenure are probably history. “The whole environment has changed,” he noted. “There’s a lot of pressure (to win). They’re paying coaches too much, and you have to expect that kind of pressure. I’m not sure how many Athletic Directors and Presidents can handle that. At Penn State, I’ve outlived most of the boosters.”

*Paterno on longevity: “Good pasta, good booze. Seriously, the Greeks had a phrase for it: ‘The glory belongs to our ancestors.’ My mother lived to 93.

“And one other thing: Never let the calendar determine where you are in life.”

*“Good recruiting is about bringing in good players to compete with other good players,” pointed out Paterno. “You don’t get better playing schlemiels.”

*In answer to a question, Paterno was unwilling to accord the ultimate accolade — “best ever” — to his two-time All-American linebacker Paul Posluszny. “When you give to one, you take away from the others,” he reasoned.

*Responding to a query (from a Pennsylvania reporter) about his broken left leg and ligament damage: “No, I don’t wear a brace. But I can still swing my leg. I can still hit a lot of big targets like your rear end.”

*New Year’s resolution: “Lose a little weight; get this leg right; and prove if you’re over 80, you’re not over the hill.”

*And then there was this question from a local scribe — OK, this one — about the cardboard stand-ups and Paterno masks that have been popular items in Pennsylvania the past couple of decades. “What’s it feel like to reach the point in life where your success translates into a marketable visage? In other words, what’s it like to see perfect strangers with your face?”

The media ham then donned a Paterno look-alike mask.

“Maybe I’m in the wrong profession,” Paterno deadpanned, although no one, of course, had ever intimated that his were matinee-idol looks. “Naah, I don’t take it very seriously. But it’s nice for people to identify with you. Makes you think that maybe you’ve had some impact on values and lifestyle.”

Views From The Replay Booth

Any serious football fan knows the drill.

It’s your job — seemingly by birthright — to root rabidly for your team. Objectivity only counts until kickoff.

The officials’ calls, for whatever reason — incompetence, intimidation, bias, bribery — too often go against YOUR team. They just do. Too often, referees have had more to do with the outcome than the players have. It’s not right, of course; it’s just the way it is – and it’s YOUR team that typically gets shafted.

Now add another subplot. The replay officials. They oversee – literally – the game being called on the field. But they occasionally have to bring the game to a screeching replay halt in the process.

As ESPN analyst and former coach Lee Corso has been heard musing during a game: “Who are those people up there, anyway? Do they understand this game? Are they up there drinking coffee and watching the game or what?”

Well, let’s ask one.

He’s Nick Trainer, 65, now in his second year in the booth – or since the NCAA- mandated instant replay. For the record, yes, he understands the game; he’s played the game; and when in the booth, he’s intensely watching every play, working with digital replay boards, manipulating freeze-frame shots and communicating with producers who feed him multiple camera angles.

He’s smart enough to be the CEO of Sartomer Co. Inc., a specialty chemicals manufacturer near Philadelphia. And unflappable enough to handle serious heat.

He’s also competent enough at his seasonal job to have been an on-field official at a national championship game and a Rose Bowl, among others. He’s been an official for more than 35 years, including more than 20 at the Division I level. Trainer’s been with the Big East Conference since its football inception in 1991.

He knows his stuff, and that’s why he’s now in the booth. The concept is relatively new to the college game, but the replay officials are veteran refs. Trainer – along with his booth “communicator” — and on-field colleagues from the Big East Conference did last week’s Outback Bowl.

There were seven stoppages for replays – resulting in three reversals of on-field calls. The average for the Big East is about two replay stoppages per game – with approximately two-thirds upheld. Stoppages average slightly less than two minutes.

What accounted for the higher number in the Outback Bowl? “It was an extremely competitive game,” said Trainer. “And you had some tremendous, athletic plays made by these kids. And there’s also the luck of the draw. Sometimes you just get more plays that you need to take a closer look at.

“No one wants to stop a game seven times,” emphasized Trainer. “Especially the replay official. You don’t want to draw attention to yourself. But sometimes it happens.”

One other factor: the Outback Bowl featured 17 cameras. Lesser, regular season games may have four or five. They had more wherewithal to get it right.

“Look, it’s not a perfect system,” acknowledged Trainer. “It’s designed to eliminate gross mistakes at critical times that influence outcomes.”

But, no, not every play is “reviewable.” Pass interference or holding penalties, for example, are not. But scoring and change-of-possession plays are.

The key criteria, said Trainer, in considering stoppage for a replay is a three-part rule of thumb: “Is it ‘reviewable?’ Can I confirm the call on the field? Is there a significant impact on the game?”

The bottom line, underscored Trainer, is that ever-improving technology, more uniform hardware and the increasing experience of replay officials continues to reduce the margin of error.

“And with 17 cameras you see almost everything,” added Trainer. “You can see if a player spits.”

So, would Trainer prefer to preside at a game that is an early rout with minimal crucial plays that impact the outcome and, as a result, don’t require many, if any, instant replay stoppages? In effect, an easy game?

No.

“The pressure, the scrutiny, the time constraints, the adrenaline rush – you have to be able to handle it,” explained Trainer. “It comes with the territory. That’s why I do it.”

What Trainer does, he stressed, is in the context of a team, one that he is as much a part of as the referee or the field judge.

“It’s not my job to nit-pick,” he said, “or make anyone look bad. We don’t want to officiate the game. It’s amazing how accurate they are on the field.”

And one other point. Trainer and his cohorts liked the Outback game between Penn State and Tennessee. It was incident free, trash-talk free and relatively foul free.

“We got away without any controversy,” noted Trainer. “We like it that way too.”

Revisiting The Fast Buck Freddie’s Experience

You know you’ve arrived when the general manager of Fast Buck Freddie’s, that Key West staple of colorful window displays, fashionable casual wear, eclectic home accessories and sophomoric, vulgar novelties recognizes you. And he knows you’re not there to peruse the Tommy Bahama collection or scrutinize restoration fabrics.

“I remember you,” says John Muhly, the long-time GM. “From Tampa, right? Back for more?”

Indeed.

If you’ve ever been to Key West, you know it’s easy to yield to its singular siren song. It’s still a retreat from the mundane, still one of the few places, for example, where one can wear a “Tampa Bay Business Journal” (circa 1985) tee-shirt with the less-than-subliminal marketing message on the back: “Exposing, Reaching, Penetrating.”

In its own inimitable way, FBF’s “Tropical Trash” section is a barometer of the popular culture. It beats reality television, tattoos, talk radio and Hummer sales. Sure, there’s the aisle devoted to digestive and intestinal noises, but political and religious caprice is most telling.

An unpopular, incumbent president is represented with the “Out of Office Countdown” 2007 Calendar and a 01.20.09 (“Bush’s last day”) bumper sticker. A polarizing, likely presidential candidate is parodied in “The Flaming Liberal Fire Starter.” There is a Michael Moore pet chewy. Variations of a political-visages-on-toilet-paper theme.

Nor is religion unfair game.

There’s a Jesus bobble head, a “Jesus Saves” coin bank and puppets depicting a “Fighting Nun” and a “Punching Rabbi.”

Which prompts, I’ll concede, a perverse search for a Muhammad bobble head. There is none. Nor are there “Fighting Imam” or “Slugging Mullah” puppets either.

Fast Buck Freddie’s pulling its punches? Going politically correct? Or just knowing what’s funny and why?

I ask John the GM, now in his 29th year of presiding over a potpourri of poor taste, including religious parody.

“Well, now that you mention it, you’re right,” he says. “But no one except you has asked. But for Valentine’s Day, we’re planning a special Donald Trump-Rosie O’Donnell display.”

Close enough.