Joke’s On Letterman

It’s tough to miss when you’re joking about Sarah Palin, who is a one-woman political parody and media caricature. But David Letterman certainly missed. Anybody’s teen-aged daughter and the words “knocked up” should be off-limits, especially to a mainstream, network comedian. No matter how late the hour. No matter that the Palins have become the poster family for hypocritical, media-mongering child rearing.

 

To Letterman’s credit, he apologized. To his discredit, it was parsed. He framed the “knocked-up”-joke incident as “intent” vs. “perception.” He reminded his audience that “If you have to explain a joke, it’s a bad joke. I told a bad joke. Beyond flawed.”

 

He then apologized to the Palin daughters and the rest of the Palin family and said he “will try to do better in the future.”

 

In other words, Letterman apologized for telling a misperceived joke, not one that was inherently in extremely poor taste. It’s tough to look more self-serving in public than Sarah Palin, but David Letterman managed to do just that.

Higher Ed Gig

Speaking of the Letterman/Palin incident, there’s a lot of TV-industry buzz about how much this flap likely has helped Letterman’s ratings. “It will be interesting to see if that can be maintained, or whether it is one of those temporary things,” said Robert Thompson, director of the Center for the Study of Popular Television at Syracuse University.

 

Which begs one other question. The Center for the Study of Popular Television: How’s that for a higher ed gig?

Devolution of “Fit”

Devolution of a candidacy? Bill Foster is a major candidate for mayor of St. Petersburg. In a 2008 letter to the Pinellas School Board, he suggested that the teaching of Charles Darwin’s theory of evolution contributed to the Holocaust and the Columbine mass murders. Indeed, this card-carrying, social conservative actually made that connection. Of course, such comments could now haunt him. Indeed, they should.

 

He recently pondered the predictable controversy he had created. “If I had to do it over again, I probably would have toned it down,” he said. “I don’t regret writing it.” Oh.

 

Should Foster be elected, it would arguably refute most “survival of the fittest” applications.

Ubiquitous Dow

Granted, there are a lot of obsessive market watchers out there. But do we really need a “Watching The Dow” box while watching a President Obama press conference or a live feed of something (such as Iranian election outrage ) he’s commenting on? That red or green arrow with corresponding numbers is both distracting and disrespectful — and maybe a metaphor for skewed priorities. The office of the president, no matter who its occupant, deserves better.

More Ahmadinejoke Context

How ironically fitting that the first post-election-travesty, scheduled trip for Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is to Russia for a summit with other regional leaders. In addition to Russia, the gathering included Pakistan, Afghanistan and China. A pseudo-democracy, a nominal democracy, a sham democracy and a non-democracy. And the meeting place? Yekaterinburg. That’s where Czar Nicholas, Alexandra and their five kids were permanently voted out of office by the Bolsheviks.

Behind Plant’s Athletic Success

Plant High School’s athletic reputation precedes it. Literally. The first thing you see upon approaching the iconic, 83-year-old, south Tampa institution is that water tower. It unabashedly proclaims: “Plant High School, Home of State Champions.”

 

No particular year. No specific sport. No categorical need.

 

The Panthers have won 14 state championships – ranging from football and volleyball to girls’ cross country and golf – in the last 15 years. This school year it was the football-volleyball-girls’ golf trifecta. For the second consecutive year, Plant won the St. Petersburg Times’ All-Sports Award, emblematic of the top athletic program in Hillsborough, Pinellas, Pasco and Hernando counties.

 

Alums include a ton of Tampa influentials plus baseball Hall of Famer Wade Boggs. Among regular fans for football games at Dad’s Stadium is Super Bowl-winning former coach Tony Dungy. PHS is steeped in tradition, nestled in an affluent, supportive area and nationally recognized for academics. Approximately 97 percent of its graduates go on to college. Plant High is a brand name.

 

But nothing succeeds in the public eye quite like sports. As a culture, we love our high-achieving athletes and lionize their accomplishments. Locals can identify winning high school teams, prominent players and high-profile coaches. The media assure as much.  

 

And yet, behind every successful athletic program there is one person, unsung outside of the close-knit school “family” and some administrative insiders, who is charged with pulling a myriad of unglamorous details together. Such as assuring quality control, providing logistical support and scrutinizing athletes’ eligibilities. It also involves knowing a thing or two about fund-raising and 501C-3s. It also means monitoring security and having a presence on game days – for both high- and low-profile sports.

 

At Plant, that person is Laura Figueredo, one of four female high school athletic directors in Hillsborough County. Actually, she carries the title of Assistant Principal for Administration, but about 70 percent of her time, she says, is sports related. She averages about 10 hours a week watching Plant High games after “official” working hours. On a given night, she might also be found at a madrigal dinner performance featuring the PHS chorus – or a band concert or drama presentation. It’s that kind of activity-centric job.

 

Figueredo, 50, is an outgoing, articulate, engagingly blunt sort who graduated from PHS in 1977. She earned a softball scholarship to USF and has spent the last 23 years at Plant (nine in her current position). She’s a former volleyball coach for the Panthers — and personifies another school trademark: continuity. There’s not a lot of turnover at Plant.

 

“Laura is a fixture here,” notes Plant Principal Rob Nelson. “At the school and in the community. She knows the issues and the logistics. She’s excellent in being part of the hiring process.

“Laura Figueredo is very visible, fair, honest and supportive,” says Nelson. “She’s trained our coaches right. They know the rules.”

 

Figueredo’s philosophy is grounded in the validity, if not sanctity, of “student-athlete.” It’s no mere ideal – and certainly not a contradiction in terms.

 

“‘Student-athlete’ may be an oxymoron some places, but not here,” emphasizes Figueredo. “Our kids are here as students first, athletes second. Our coaches are teachers. You’re always a teacher.”

 

Korhn Award Winner

Underscoring the student-athlete commitment was the selection of Plant as the winner of this year’s Vernon Korhn Award for the best all-around athletic program in Hillsborough County. The criterion is more than games and championships won. Equally weighted are academics and sportsmanship. Plant athletes sported the county’s top grade point averages in 12 of the 21 boys and girls sports.

 

“The AD is critical because their responsibility is the total program,” says the eponymous Vernon Korhn, who used to be the county’s director of high school athletics. He’s also a Plant alum. “There needs to be a strong trust between coaches and ADs.

 

“At Plant, Laura Figueredo has built a very good working relationship with all of her coaches,” points out Korhn. “She’s a very good communicator, a very good listener. She’s one of the most effective and hard-working ADs in the system.”

 

One who knows first hand is Robert Weiner, Plant’s uber successful, head football coach. The Panthers have been state champs two of the last three years.

 

“She has her finger on the pulse of everything,” says Weiner, “but she’s not a micro manager. She lets coaches do their job. She’s known throughout the county for knowing all the rules and regulations. For me, I want that.

 

“She’s very demanding,” stresses Weiner, “which is as it should be. After all, what are we asking of our kids? Excellence. I consider Laura a supportive friend. Win or lose, she has our back. She fosters a great working relationship. I couldn’t be in a better spot.”

 

To Figueredo, there are two critical keys to an ultra successful athletics program. Foremost is coaching, she says. She credits PHS coaches for excelling in changing with the interscholastic times. High school sports have never been more competitive or specialized – with off-season conditioning, camps and travel teams now commonplace.

 

“All sports have been moving to a higher level,” explains Figueredo. “That means coaches have to be even more energized. That means they have to put in even more time. And our coaches do. And that includes keeping tabs on their kids throughout the school day. They send out their rosters to the faculty. They check on grades and behavior.”

 

It’s also critical to keep sports in perspective, she adds.

 

With success comes “publicity” and “local fame,” notes Figueredo. As a culture, Plant works to keep it “in context.”

 

“We emphasize that we have a lot of ‘stars’ here, and it’s hardly limited to sports,” says Figueredo. “And we also have a lot of great families who reinforce what we’re teaching.”

 

She cites the example of Aaron Murray, the All-Everything quarterback who led the Panthers to their 34-14 state championship victory over Tallahassee’s Lincoln High last season. He’s a big-time talent who enrolled early at the University of Georgia.

 

“He didn’t walk around here with a head that couldn’t fit through the doorway,” recalls Figueredo. “You won’t see that here, no matter who you are. Nobody acts like a big shot. They’re reminded that without teammates, they wouldn’t be successful.”

 

And without Figueredo, arguably, it wouldn’t be the same. “She’s definitely a pleasure to work with,” sums up coach Weiner. “And she’s a blessing to our kids.”

 

Figueredo Outtakes

*“Sports definitely helps with school spirit. It provides a way to come together – like a family. And when successful, it helps a community come together too.”

 

*“Sports can be a turn-around for some kids who might be headed down the wrong road. You put them in the right sport with the right coach, and it becomes the right road. And, who knows, maybe even a scholarship results.”

 

*“Sports is also important for helping keep kids physically fit. It’s a stress reliever. And it’s a great way to develop friendships.”

 

*“‘Recruiting’? I hear that all the time. Our coaches will get approached. People are pursuing them. They refer them to the office. We don’t have to ‘recruit.’ People want to be a part of this.”

 

*“I think we do a great job with gender equity. Our numbers (for 11 girls’ sports) are way up. It took a while to catch on. Now it’s normal. We had 140 girls try out for the flag football team (60 made it). Girls today know they can play all these sports, even if they don’t know about Title IX. Society has turned so much. Parents want their girls to play. To be a part of something. To be fit.”

 

* “I’ll hire the best person. Male or female. Males coach a number (six) of our female teams. And I know that Hillsborough High just hired a female (Stephanie Crawford) as boys’ basketball coach. But this is unique. It really takes a special person. You have to consider locker room issues, etc. I don’t see it as a trend-setter.”

 

*“Cheerleading is one of our sports. These girls are first-class athletes nowadays.” 

 

*“If we were to add another sport, I wouldn’t vote for bodybuilding. I don’t agree with it for high school.”

 

*“If you set a record or make a big play or help win a championship, you’re not a ‘hero.’ Now if you save somebody from a burning building afterward, then you’re a ‘hero.’”

 

*“I don’t have a lot of meetings. I have an open-door policy. Besides, I probably talk to half the coaches every day anyhow.”

 

*“Winning is great, but the most fun I have on this job is working with the people: the administrative staff, the coaches and the kids. Our kids are fun to be around.”

Dystopian Escape

We all know how well the movies do during depressing economic times. Ever since The Great Depression, we’ve seen that when the need for escape becomes acute, the cinema finds itself perfectly positioned. While Disney theme parks, for example, are off as much as 50 percent so far this year, the movie industry has reported a 12 percent hike in attendance and a 14 percent increase in revenue (to $2 billion).

 

Having said that, what could reasonably account for the box-office success of grim, futuristic flicks such as “Terminator Salvation”? Granted, gratuitous violence and ever-more special effects have their contemporary allure, but Dresden-like cityscapes and civilizational implosions as a retreat from this reality?

 

But at least discerning critics get to drop in lots of dystopia (imaginary place where people lead dehumanized and often fearful lives) references.

First Couple Symbolism

Enough, frankly, of the up close and personal criticism of President Barack Obama. Policy differences, of course, are fair game, even if too often strident and hypocritical. But to criticize a guy with the toughest job in the world – making what’s equivalent to Major League Baseball’s minimum salary – for a “night out on the town” with his wife is wrong. To rebuke the First Couple for that Broadway getaway – because it came while General Motors faced impending bankruptcy – is to miss the point.

 

The point is not what a quick jetting to New York cost. The point is that the president is more than a public office-holder. And more than a boss under incredible pressure. He’s also a symbol. He’s not, mercifully, Jimmy Carter tethered to the White House while Iran held American hostages and stagflation gripped the economy.

 

A sense of normalcy during turbulent times has significant symbolic value. It always has. It sends the message that we not wallowing or fearing or scapegoating, but living our lives. The populace can feed off of that – even as the President and First Lady dine out.

 

This is hardly a Marie Antoinette moment. Moreover, the First Couple showed support for the arts by catching “Joe Turner’s Come and Gone.” They weren’t taking in “Terminator Salvation.”

Rays Not Getting Money’s Worth

Last year the Tampa Bay Rays were a feel-good story for the ages. This year we feel their personnel pain. While a lot of factors are at play, three players shoulder an inordinate amount of the blame: Scott Kazmir, Pat Burrell and Troy Percival. A putative ace of the pitching staff, the right-handed designated hitter to ostensibly neutralize opponents’ lefties and the closer, without which you can’t win it all. All are currently on the disabled list, but they were, arguably, no more productive when they were healthy.

 

Worse yet, they eat up nearly 30 per cent of the payroll of a small-market team that is now financially hamstrung when it comes to helping itself with any more personnel moves. No one wants to put it this way, but Kazmir makes 14 times more than the Rays’ most effective pitcher, Matt Garza; Burrell makes 20 times more than the versatile and highly productive Ben Zobrist; and Percival makes nearly 10 times as much as J.P. Howell, one of the Rays’ few dependable relief pitchers.

Reservoir Ridicule

It was sort of like looking at FCAT results. You check to see if you misread something. In this case, an update on that 15-billion-gallon, above-ground reservoir in eastern Hillsborough County. The 4-year-old one with all those 3-year-old cracks. It cost $146 million to build. It could cost $125 million to repair – after it closes for two years.

 

And, yes, there are lawsuits involved. But that’s a whole different reservoir.