The Bong Show

Lighten up, America. It’s a prank. And a fairly funny one at that.

The U.S. Supreme Court is now considering the merits of Morse vs. Frederick. Deborah Morse is a high-school principal who contends that a student’s 14-foot banner proclaiming “Bong Hits 4 Jesus” was an unacceptable pro-drug message. She suspended its creator, Joseph Frederick. He sued, saying his free-speech rights were violated.

A decision isn’t expected until July, but the Court may be well advised to give more than lip service to the argument of Justice David Souter, who said: “It sounds like just a kid’s provocative statement to me.”

Indeed. Too bad common sense and a heart-to-heart chat between principal and student didn’t trump the trivializing of the First Amendment.

But the principal says Frederick’s drug message crossed the line. But a non-obscene, less-than-inciting, goof-on-the-establishment sign? That’s not even one toke over the line.

Crime Waived

Tampa’s declining crime rate — 36 per cent over the last four years — was a linchpin in Mayor Pam Iorio’s recent State of the City address. Now that drop has been noted in the March-April issue of AARP magazine, which lists 10 cities “where your chances of running into a criminal decreased in the past five years.” The 10 “most improved” included Tampa at number 2.

Energy Irony

“Oil-Rich Nations Turning Attention To Alternative Fuels” read recent headlines across the country. The main, but hardly exclusive, focus was on the United Arab Emirates, the number four OPEC producer, and what it was doing to reduce demand for fossil fuels internally.

In a Manhattan Project-like strategy that puts a premium on applying the sun, the wind and hydrogen to domestic energy needs, the UAE hopes to save more high-value fossil fuels for export to markets such as the U.S.

The UAE also knows its oil won’t last forever. Yet it wants its luxurious, even sybaritic, lifestyle to survive in perpetuity. Hence its serious, prioritized approach to energy conservation at home.

Anyone else see an irony here?

Iranians Claim Insult

This just in. Iran is insulted by the American movie “300” and is officially complaining about disparaging depictions of Persians at the Battle of Thermopylae in 480 B.C.

And this from a country that still owes us an apology for holding American embassy employees hostage and threatening them with mock executions in 1979-80.

Maybe Hollywood would ante up if Iran would formally acknowledge that hostage-taking is always poor form and in the scheme of things much more offensive than unflattering movies. And then apologize.

Absent that, Iran can just make do with all those bootleg DVDs that young Persians will still watch — decadent and evil stereotypes notwithstanding.

Mayor Iorio Upstages Her Own Good News

In her annual State of the City address, Mayor Pam Iorio reported that the state of the city remained good. Crime, which has increased alarmingly in cities such as Orlando, continues downward here. More buildings are up, and a bunch more are on the way. The words downtown and revitalization no longer seem incongruous. And more attention is being paid to places such as East Tampa, Tampa Heights and the Central Park Village area.

Another State of the City presentation, another day at the office in Pamelot.

And another high-energy, “pulse of the city,” greatest hits video that Director of Public Affairs Liana Lopez labors so hard over. Somehow finding, for example, just the right up-tempo music to complement footage of road widenings and drainage upgrades.

But for a time there was only sound – no video to project on those large screens at the Tampa Convention Center. It probably took 7-8 minutes to fix. If you’re the main presenter, it can seem like a light year. If you’re a chief executive, you’re used to making the tough calls and managing on-the-job crucibles. But a missing or malfunctioning stage prop can be the real mettle detector.

Cue Mayor Pam.

Even her harshest critics acknowledge her formidable podium skills. She rhetorically tap danced and ad libbed her way through the awkward interlude by whimsically referencing everything from the ACC tournament to “Cigar City Chronicles” to the Strawberry Festival.

After the presentation, the exiting audience of city personnel and local politicos were more abuzz about the mayor’s stage presence than that overall 9.4 per cent drop in crime the last year, which included an 18.5 per cent decrease in the violent stuff.

The state of the mayor, who almost pitched a shutout in her recent re-election, is also good.

NCAA Bids: Earn Them

Every year, it seems, the basketball tradition known as “March Madness” includes tales of woe and crushing, disillusioned disappointment: teams that barely missed the cut for the 65-team “Big Dance.” This year that includes the Florida State University men and the University of South Florida women.

Without getting caught up in the esoterica of weighted schedules and RPIs and all that, let’s at least acknowledge this: If there are more than a half dozen teams in your own conference that are better than you, what are you doing in a national championship tournament anyway? Shouldn’t selection mean selective?

Time was when only a conference winner went to the NCAA Tournament. Period. Or only a conference tournament winner moved on.

Back in the day, the biggest obstacle to a Jerry West-led West Virginia team making the NCAAs was the Southern Conference Tournament final with tiny Davidson. It was great hoops and great drama. And occasionally Davidson slew Goliath.

The problem now is there are too many teams from the big-name, big-budget conferences in the tournament — and in a game of increasing parity not nearly enough Valparaisos, Vermonts, Butlers, Belmonts, Evansvilles and Bucknells.

You want to make the Big Tournament? Earn it. Don’t be an also-ran in your own — however big the name — conference and then complain because it’s embarrassing to the administration, alumni and fans to miss a bloated, 65-team tournament.

Rock and Rap?

Say it ain’t so.

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, which was kick-started by the likes of James Brown, Elvis Presley, Fats Domino and the Everly Brothers, has now inducted its first rap group, Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five.

Jose Canseco being enshrined in Cooperstown makes more sense.

Even if you choose to overlook rap’s insidious impact on the culture as a paean to crotch-grabbing, misogyny and all manner of dysfunction, there is this:

Shouldn’t the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame’s criteria include, if not mandate, being able to carry a tune or play an instrument?

Chase Reality

Chase policies – as in whether police can pursue stolen cars – is an ongoing and understandably controversial issue among police departments. Tampa (yes) and St. Petersburg (no) would be prime examples. The downsides of a pro-chase policy are obvious, sometimes tragically so.

Often overlooked, however, is the reality that unchased stolen cars have more than their share of accidents, including fatal ones. The nature of drivers of stolen vehicles is to be preoccupied with matters other than prudent driving.

Redner Jeopardizes Pole Position

To be sure, it’s vintage Joe Redner: that offer to waive the Mons Venus ($20) cover charge for those presenting an “I Voted” sticker. It injects, if nothing else, some humor into a local electoral process crying out for an infusion of something other than inertia and apathy.

But the upshot is that it could be counterproductive to Redner in his District 1 city council run-off with Gwen Miller. Arguably, the voting public doesn’t need further reminding of who the gadfly-candidate with the strip club is. The better strategy, seemingly, would be to max out on opportunities to juxtapose his candidacy with that of the incumbent Miller.

By some accounts, Redner already has the pole position, so to speak, in the race. He’s knowledgeable about key issues, including the environment, mass transit and growth paying for itself, and he has rational, consistent answers on property-tax cuts. He has toned down the establishment-bashing, civic-irritant attitude. He speaks well enough and has added a coat-and-tie ensemble for public forums.

In the first go-round, he proved he was formidable in politically catalytic South Tampa and a favorite in West Tampa. He also has the “what-the-hell” and the “shake up the establishment” votes that can come from anywhere. He’s a wealthy businessman who can – and will – pour more of his own money into radio and newspaper ads and direct mail pieces. He may be a six-time election loser, but the seventh could be the charm.

He certainly has the perfect political foil. A candidate who’s less than conversant on the issues and doesn’t speak well when she tries. A candidate who’s been getting by for years as the quiet lady of color that no one wants to be seen as beating up on.

Sure, the case can be made that Randy Barron or Julie Jenkins would have been the superior run-off candidate against Miller, but it’s Redner who happens to be the one in a position to expose this long-running conspiracy of silence.The political planets finally seem aligned. It may be Redner’s race to lose. As long as he doesn’t go out of his way to remind folks that he’s got this business that nobody, including consenting adults, wants in their neighborhood.

Nothing New

It’s been well documented that the turnout in the last election was deplorable. District 7, for example, didn’t even break double figures. New Tampa, the more affluent part of District 7, topped out at 11 per cent.

And there’s no reason to think it will change in New Tampa. Not even a candidate, Joseph Caetano, who raised the issue of “de-annexation” could motivate voters. The very ones, mind you, who make no secret that they neither identify with the city – nor much care for being part of it.